“MACKEM FAMILY TREE”
Hi there… this is me, SAM, I support Sunderland and never miss a game (unless it rains or I have to pay more than £1.00 to get in). Mom said I got all the good looks but no brains. I love being a babe hound. Girls make spit roll down my chin. I have a stomach problem and fart a lot.
This is my mom. She has lots of boyfriends. One of them has a job. She says with a little luck I could be a garbage man one day.
This is my brother Henry. He is in jail right now. When he gets out he is not allowed to be around animals and kitchen appliances.
My grandma lives with us in our caravan. She smells real bad. She likes to hang out in pubs and drink beer. Grandma has sores all over and they leak yellow stuff on the furniture. The flies are terrible.
My mom says she is almost positive this is my dad. He lives in Durham Prison. When he gets out in 55 years we are going fishing.
This is my dad’s truck. The blood stains are almost gone.
My younger sister Jill lost all her teeth. She was licking a food mixer after mam made cake and my cousin Jimmy turned it on by accident.
We are proud of my older brother Billy. He is only 27 and is already in the Junior School. He wants to be a Doctor and can write his own name.
My half brother Denzil and his wife. She is a foxy lady. They raise pigs in their back room. They are not allowed to have children.
This is my older sister Ethel. She has 15 kids and they all look different. We depend on her social security check to get by. She has a disease that makes her itch.
Steve is my 1st cousin. He sells the Big Issue in the High Street. He once went 53 days without taking a bath.
This is Billy. He is my 2nd cousin. He is pretty smart. Buck is going to be a dentist some day. He does all the work on our teeth.
This is my sister’s boyfriend for now. His name is Larry. He washes dishes at the chip shop. My sister says he has hairy toenails.
This is Michael. He used to be my best friend but got killed by a bus on the motorway. I still wear his underwear.
These are 2 kids we throw stuff at. There used to be 3 of them. Mom says we can’t throw heavy stuff no more.
Jamie holds the park record. He once jumped over 7 caravans. Jamie crashes a lot and talks real slow now. His doctor told him to wear a helmet.
My uncle Mark is still having problems. He doesn’t know what he wants in life anymore. He is a Gulf War hero and now sells perfume in Boots.
This is my step brother Phil. He got short in a drug’s raid 2 years ago. The bullet is lodged just over his right ear. It’s hard to understand him sometimes and he always stinks like rotten cheese.
This is my uncle Peter from Liverpool. He looks like a monkey.
PRATINA TM SPORTS 6